


Is

by we_all_fall



Series: Words [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blood Drinking, Blood and Gore, Brotherly Love, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Turned Into Vampire, Crying Sam Winchester, Dark Sam Winchester, Gen, Heartbeats, Humans Are Monsters, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt Sam Winchester, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kinda, Moral Dilemmas, Possessive Sam Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester is Obsessed with Dean Winchester's Heartbeat, Scared Dean Winchester, Scents & Smells, Vampire Sam Winchester, Vampires, vampire thought processes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2020-12-20 23:55:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21065312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/we_all_fall/pseuds/we_all_fall
Summary: Sam becomes a vampire. Dean does his best to support and help him, but he still has a lot of things to work through.





	1. Wednesday January 17, 2007 00:00

**Author's Note:**

> This starts the minute Nothing ends.   
It's also already a completed story, so feel free to yell at me if I don't update.

_ Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. The thumping continued steadily as the rustling noise of wind in the foliage picked up. A tiny, far away thumping raced fast enough that the individual beats were hard to hear. An animal? Breaths. Shaky ones, close. _

Sam opened his eyes. 

_ Thump. Thump. Thump. A pulse in a human neck. Visible, now, as well as audible. The scent of blood in the air, the same scent as the taste in his mouth. Other scents: fear, pain, horror, salt. _

“Dean,” Sam said. 

“Sammy.” Dean’s voice shook. “Are- are you ok? Sammy?”

_ Crimson stain. The scent of blood, fear. Saltwater tears on human cheeks flushed red with blood from the cold. The constant thump of a heartbeat. Blood on his tongue, his teeth. Blood- the same blood- on a neck. Tooth marks. The smell of fear.  _

“I bit you.” Sam crawled away from Dean, horrified. “I bit you and you’re bleeding.”

“Ten minutes ago you were in so much pain you were begging me to KILL you,” Dean snapped, “Who cares if I’m bleeding?!”

_ Anger added to the other scents. Anger and terror and relief.  _

Sam struggled to process that. “You’re scared- for me?”

“I’m not scared,” Dean defended immediately. And then he deflated. “Course I’m scared.”

_ More salt, more pain. A tear and a sniffle. Blood and a heartbeat and unsteady breaths. Almost no sound from the wind.  _

“You were lying on the ground screaming for- for I dunno how long, and there wasn’t a thing I could do. I thought you were dying, Sammy. Never been more scared in my life.” 

In a moment Sam was right beside Dean and pulling him into a hug. “I’m not dying. I’m alright. Not gonna leave you.”

_ Thump. Thump. Thump. Blood, so close. Warmth all around him. His face pressed against a neck with pulsing blood inside. The smell of blood. Too close, too potent. Other scents, good scents: relief, happiness, so much relief it stung.  _

Dean pulled back finally. “You better not. You’re not getting hurt like that ever again. Don’t you dare.”

“I promise not to get hurt,” Sam said, rolling his eyes. There were some promises that had to be made but could hardly be kept. 

“You really ok?” Dean asked after a moment.

“I’m fine. A vampire, but I’m great!” Sam snarked, laughing bitterly. 

“And that’s a problem for another day,” Dean said, standing up and offering Sam a hand. 


	2. Wednesday January 17, 2007 17:11

_ Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Hundreds of human hearts beating all out of sync. Annoying. An overlay of animal heartbeats, rapid but less distracting. A mixture of unpleasant scents: worry, human feces, dog feces, dog pee, human pee, semen, blood, mould, dirt, rotten food, cat pee.  _

Sam sat up with an easy, inhuman grace and looked around the dark, empty motel room. The heavy shades were pulled, but he could still see clearly. It was a boring, gross motel room and Dean was gone. Not far, Sam could smell him in the parking lot, but he was still gone. 

Sam thought of standing in the middle of the room, and before he could tell himself consciously to move he was standing there. Turning around, he caught sight of himself in the bathroom mirror. His pupils weren’t quite round. A moment later he stood in front of the mirror. 

Habit from before kicked in, and Sam flicked the light on. 

** _BRIGHT_ ** _ BRIGHT  _ ** _screaming_ ** _ at him BRIGHT BRIGHT agony BRIGHT  _ ** _BRIGHT_ ** _ !!! _

It was all Sam could do to keep from screaming. He doubled over, his eyes squeezed tightly shut and one hand clamped over them to try to block the light. With the other hand he quickly flicked the light off. 

Darkness. Sweet blessed darkness. 

Sam stood upright shakily and took a moment to orient himself.

_ Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. A heartbeat. Calming. Steady. Dean’s scent. Heartbeats. Lots of heartbeats, the smell of lots of humans and animals. Nasty motel smells all clogging up his nose.  _

Sam opened his eyes and looked in the mirror again. His pupils were thin, barely there vertical slits. As he watched motionlessly the slits started to open and the room grew brighter for him. So his eyes were like a cat’s. He should’ve been upset and worried, it was more evidence of his inhumanity, after all, but Sam felt proud. He was happy to have these eyes and happy to be a vampire. Something slotted into place inside his chest, and he felt happier and freer than he had since- well, ever. 

Sam was a vampire. And he was glad. 

A pleased smirk flitted across his face as he embraced the monster inside of him, no, the monster that  _ was _ him. 


	3. Wednesday January 17, 2007 22:29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Includes vague non-con Dean/OMCs. I'm not using the rape/non-con archive warning since it's not a major theme. It's not even a minor theme.

_ Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.  _

Sam was bored. And a bit thirsty, despite all those blood bags he’d drunk in the morning and again in the afternoon. He wanted more blood, or at least something to do. He’d be searching for a hunt at this time, normally, but that didn’t feel like an option. He didn’t know if hunting would work for him anymore, since he was a monster. He’d be killing his own people. Could he do that? 

Frustrated, he went outside to get some fresh air and try to talk to Dean. 

_ Wind. Chill. The removal of all the motel room stenches that had been weighing him down for long enough he’d stopped consciously registering them. New scents: nature, lust, blood, frustration, people, animals, anger, cars, new pavement in the distance, food, alcohol, fear.  _

“Blood?” Sam asked himself. He was at the splash of blood in a moment. It was a few feet away from Baby, where he’d thought Dean was working. But Dean wasn’t there, and scents of blood, anger and alcohol were. He sniffed the blood. 

_ Not Dean’s. Older than Dean and less healthy. Sickening, gross blood somehow. Shed maybe an hour before.  _

So where was Dean? Kidnapped? Sam hissed furiously. 

_ Track. Follow the smell and find Dean, rip everyone else apart. Scent. Dean.  _

Sam took off running in the direction Dean was in. It was minutes before he reached an old warehouse outside of town. The scents were confusing and concerning. 

_ Lust, Dean’s blood, anger, semen, terror, disgust, sweat- wait, Dean’s blood, lust and semen?! RAPE?! _

_ Running. Breaking. Tearing, an explosion of blood and flesh. Screaming- high, whiny and unpleasant. Screaming stopped. Ripping. Blood. Fingers embedded in eye sockets. Tearing, rending, ripping bones to bits, shredding- angerragepain  _ how  _ dare  _ they  _ bodies smushed across the floor in broken shreds. bitterdarkjoyhappinessvengeance Human-  _ ** _his_ ** _ human- in chair stuck hurt tied down. Rip bonds, shred. Careful. White stinking fluid smear. Wipe off. Throw away cloth. Roar at nearest smushed body. Stomp on- crush head. Tear off dick. Rip body.  _

_ Refocus. Clean blood off hands. human damaged frozen broken bleeding _ help _ . Wipe away blood apply pressure soothe bandage wound. Pick up hold close, carry.  _

_ Motel. Stench, ugh, refocus. Human. His human. Remove bandage, stitch, hold human still- growl lightly, carefully slap hands away,  _ ** _his_ ** _ human. Bandage, work on cleaning, keep human safe, no leaving.  _

_ His human tried to leave again. “No!” Sam growled, “Mine!  _ ** _My_ ** _ human.” _

“ _ Your  _ human, huh, Sammy? Not too big on human rights, then?” Dean teased. 

The feral haze in Sam’s eyes faded. “Dean?”

“Can I go take a shower or do you need to supervise me to make sure-” Dean imitated Sam’s vampiric growl- “MY human. Safe. Stay.  **Mine** .”

Sam was embarrassed. “Sorry, Dean. I was just-”

“Being Tarzan. Sure, Sammy.”

“It’s Sam,” Sam said. 

“Course it is, Sammy.”


	4. Thursday January 18, 2007 20:08

_ thump thump thump thump Thump Thump Thump. Thump. Thump.  _

“Back already?” Dean asked from his bed. He was eating some kind of greasy noodle with his fingers. 

“I was just buying this,” Sam explained, holding up a bottle of air freshener. “And that’s not finger food.”

Dean shrugged and ate another huge bite. “Wooshen up a igtle,” he said, words blurred by his mouthful.

Sam wanted to tell Dean not to talk with his mouth full, but he knew it was a losing battle. Politeness wasn’t something Dean bothered with. 

_ Cleaners, cigarette smoke, cats, leather, urine, dog feces, marijuana, sex, food, mould, blood, human feces, dog urine _

Sam hated how motels smelled. He started spraying the linen scented air freshener all over the room. That had to cover it up. He didn’t know how much longer he could handle living in places that stank so much. 

“What’re you doing?” Dean demanded, protecting his takeout container from the chemical spray. 

“This place  _ stinks! _ ” Sam hissed, spraying air freshener on the wall. 

“So you’re gonna attack it with that stuff?” Dean asked, “That stinks.”

Sam rounded on Dean. “If you could smell how disgusting this room is, how horrifying every motel room we stay at really is, you would be squirting air freshener at everything no matter how much the stupid air freshener stinks too!!”

“Whoa, Sammy,” Dean said, “Chill. You can squirt chemicals everywhere. It’s fine.”

Sam tried to calm down. Being a vampire was just really stressful, it wasn’t Dean’s fault. “Everything just stinks so much. All the time. I don’t wanna hafta smell everything anymore.”

“Aw, c’mon, I don’t stink, right?” Dean said. 

“Only when you’re drunk,” Sam teased. 

“You haven’t smelled me drunk since you, y’know, got your fussy nose,” Dean argued. 

“I didn’t need to, Dean,” Sam said, “My human nose was plenty.”

“Your human nose? What, are we calling this your vampire nose? Sam’s vampire nose made him stink up the motel room with air freshener, because his vampire nose hated stinky things and preferred stinky air freshener.”

“ _ Dean,” _ Sam complained. 


	5. Tuesday January 23, 2007 21:56

_ Blood, not human. Blood, human. Pain, his own. Confusion. Bread mould, iron rust, saltwater tears.  _

“What if she was innocent?” 

“She wasn’t.” Dean sounded so sure, so confident. So human, and so himself. How could he know anything about this? 

“We don’t know that,” Sam protested. They were standing over the body of a woman they knew almost nothing about, and Dean was sure she’d deserved to die? How? 

“Sam, she attacked us. She was a monster.” 

And that meant she deserved to die?

_ Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. One heart beating. Before there were two. Smells of fur, salt and death. How could someone smell of death? _

Sam set down the poker he’d killed her with. “She had a heartbeat.”

Dean looked confused. “Um, yeah? Most things do.” 

“I don’t,” Sam said. He was less human than her. A monster. Someone who deserved to die as much as she did. 

“If you’re thinking you’re more of a monster than her, cuz of a heartbeat, you’re not,” Dean said, “She killed people. You don’t.”

Sam laughed. He couldn’t help it. It was just such a ridiculous, nonsensical thing to say. He’d killed four people in the last week, not counting the body lying on the ground in front of them. “I just did, Dean. I killed someone. You’re nudging her body with your toe right now.”

_ Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Blood pumping in a human neck. He let himself fixate. Red, delicious, hot, healthy blood. He could almost taste it on his tongue. And he wanted it. _

“You’re not a monster, Sammy,” Dean argued, “You kill monsters.” 

“You sure about that, Dean?” 

Sam dropped fangs and pinned Dean to the wall, knocking his gun out of his hands. 

“What the hell!” Dean yelped. He tried to push Sam away. 

“Your blood. I want it,” Sam told Dean, “I think about it all the time. Your blood on my lips a week ago, rusty and full of the scent of your pain and my desperation. I want to bite down on your neck and suck all that flowing blood out. It’s always tempting me, I can always hear your heartbeat. I can smell your blood even when you’re not cut, and I WANT it.”

“Sammy…” Dean was so shocked. “Fucking hell!” He kicked Sam in the knee. 

Sam was frozen for a moment before he realized what he’d just done and stumbled backwards, letting Dean go. He looked away. “So don’t say I’m not a monster.” 

“Sammy!!” Dean didn’t seem to have anything else to say. They ended up just pretending nothing had happened. Sam worried, but Dean didn’t seem afraid or disgusted by him and he didn’t know how to broach the topic. 


	6. Friday January 26, 2007 3:22

“Dean, I-”

“We can make this work! We’re hunters. It’s our job!”

_ Lilac perfume covering scents Sam couldn’t stand. The distinctive thump of Dean’s heart, and a million other hearts farther away. The rough texture of the comforter under him, and the sting of Dean’s unhappiness and determination in his nose. _

“No, it’s not.” Sam's voice was quiet. 

“Yes, it is!” Dean was frantic. He didn’t know any other way to live, so of course Sam’s inability to hunt was tearing him up. 

“Hunting is for humans,” Sam said slowly, “I’m not human anymore, Dean. Just let me be myself. Let me find something else, something I can do.”

“No! I can’t lose you, Sammy, I can’t!”

_ Thumpthumpthumpthumpthump- the frantic, racing panic of Dean’s heart.  _

“Then don’t.”

“What do you mean?”

Sam wondered if this might actually work. He’d be amazed, but he did have hope. He turned away from Dean to make the conversation easier. “It was over five years ago, remember? The day I left. I asked you to come with me.”

“I couldn’t, Sammy. I couldn’t leave Dad.” Dean’s voice was scarily close to a plea. 

“I get that now. But this time, Dean- it’s different! It’s just us, now. Come with me. We can do whatever we want!”

“But we have to kill Yellow Eyes.” 

Sam sighed. “I don’t know, Dean.”

“He  _ killed Mom _ .”

“I never  _ met _ Mom! And sure, after Jessica died I wanted revenge as much as anyone, but you have to let go! All that revenge and anger: it doesn’t help. And nothing will hurt any less if we do kill the demon. I just want a normal life. Or, as normal as a vampire can have. Dean, please.”

Dean chuckled weakly. “Never could say no to you, Sammy. Alright, how do we get this normal life.”

Sam practically glowed he was so happy. The only thing wrong, missing, at Stanford had been Dean. Now Sam would get the peace and friends and lack of killing he’d adored at Stanford  _ and  _ his brother. It was going to be amazing. 

_ Scents of lilac, joy and uncertainty. The steadying beat of his human’s heart. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's over! Thanks for all the reads, everyone, I really appreciate it. Part 3 will be coming as soon as I can figure out how I want to write it.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think of this so far!


End file.
